i dont really know what to say at this point.



i feel very hurt -- not by you, but by my own stupidity.


i let my mind run away with a fantasy.


i feel hollow, an empty space that was recently full of excitement.

as disappointment fills my cup, once half full, to the brink of spilling over. and now i can see the rim of the glass, so thin and fragile, so vulnerable. that same rim that seemed just moments ago to be able to hold the entire world! to be strong, solid, confident.  

how could i allow this to happen? i didnt. my life is not in my control. this is the universe doing exactly what i need. everything happens for a reason, but the reasons dont burst this clear bubble of ugh that surrounds my head and gut, at alternating times throughout the day.

onward and upward! seize the moment! capture the flag! get back on that horse! run, dont walk! the world is my oyster... but i dont think i have ever eaten oysters. with that, where is my fucking pearl? i know. his name is Jesus. and tomorrow he will be seven years old. well, technically, 49. old man ;) 

this is my path. i chose to allow the infinite universe to guide me through the darkness. 

i am strong. i am beautiful. i am exactly where i need to be, doing exactly what i should. 

thank you.